My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know" He smiled knowingly and nodded,"That's why we ask."