Hilarious Quotes XIV

Things My Mom Taught Me

My mother taught me
TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me
RELIGION

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about
TIME TRAVEL

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me
LOGIC

"Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me
FORESIGHT

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me
IRONY

"Keep laughing and I'll 'give' you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of
OSMOSIS

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about
CONTORTIONISM

"Will you 'look' at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about
STAMINA

"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about
WEATHER

"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve
PHYSICS PROBLEMS

"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

My mother taught me about
HYPOCRISY

"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me
THE CIRCLE OF LIFE

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about
BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION

"Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about
ENVY

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"