Hilarious Quotes II
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
-Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign

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"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
-Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

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"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana.... The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are."
-Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22

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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
-Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark

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"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago."
-Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

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"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe."
-Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia

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"The president has kept all of the promises he intended to keep."
-Clinton aide George Stephanopolous

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"After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post."
-Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, RI

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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
-A congressional candidate in Texas